Shelf Life by Simon Parke

See the page on this website: Shelf Life by Simon Parke (otherwise known as ‘our Einstein of the aisles’). Also check out:

Review from ‘The Shopkeeper’: ‘The best book we’ve read in aaaages’:

A few justifiable kinks…from page 92:

We all have our rules – and then we bend them. We are all entirely consistent – until we are not. Our morality is a straight line, straight as a die – but with a few justifiable kinks. The Cash Office Two put a kink around taking money from a rich company that pays low wages. I put a kink around the fruit, because it’s good for me, and it would only be thrown away if I didn’t eat it. Stav puts a kink around using company time for his own purposes, because he doesn’t owe them anything, after the recent trouble with his wages. And daily, Pinocchio puts a kink around treating any of the staff with respect, because the company is here for profit not social work – and he doesn’t know how to be anything other than negative. And supermarkets? Supermarkets put a kink around preying on vulnerable customers, because it’s a free market, it’s their choice, they’re adults and, although the milk is put at the furthest point from the door, to ensure maximum exposure of all products – it’s not as if customers have to buy anything. And the farmers can take what they’re offered – or starve.

And Lenny? Lenny’s kink was pastry. Lenny put a kink around a pain au chocolat from the bakery section, because he really fancied it – and was sacked last week for his troubles. He was out the door by lunchtime, though I think they wanted to get rid of him anyway because, truly, he was as lazy as a sloth in a hammock.

From ‘Shelf Life’ by Simon Parke ( Available from (

This entry was posted in Writers and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.